I have a lot of angst over gift giving. A lot of stress, second guessing and feeling inadequate. It’s easy to slide into negative thinking and believe “I’m just not good at gift giving.”
The truth is it’s a mixed bag. Sometimes I hit the nail on the head. Other times I’ve been way off the mark. Sometimes I’ve failed spectacularly.
So, how do I get out of this rut to score a better track record?
More importantly, how do you crush gift giving decision fatigue? By applying Kendra Adachi’s Lazy Genius principles of Name What Matters and Decide Once.
The Problem with Decision Fatigue
Decision fatigue is a modern phenomena that comes from the need to make thousands of decisions every day. There’s the food decisions, the clothes decisions, what to do with free time, how to get the work done, who to talk to and what to talk about. The mental tax eventually wears us down and wears us out.
It’s wonderful to have so many choices, but it can be overwhelming.
When we hit the limit of how many decisions we can make in a day, we start to make bad decisions or we stop making decisions. When the need to keep making decisions outstrips our ability to do so, we have a breakdown or blow a fuse or shut down completely.
This is a problem.
But, there is a way to combat it.
Name What Matters
Determine your values.
Kendra Adachi calls it naming what matters.
I’m a new fan of Kendra Adachi’s The Lazy Genius Way. Her principles are mind blowingly helpful. For my money, it’s the most helpful book on life management since The7 Habits of Highly Effective People.
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When you identify your top values — when you name what matters— other decisions become easier.
How does this apply to gift giving?
What matters to you?
For example, are you trying to communicate love? Or is this an obligation?
Is staying in budget important? Equality and fairness to other gift recipients?
Do you want to give something practical or beautiful? Something with sentimental value or meaning? Or a minimalist gift that doesn’t pile up stuff such as an experience, consumable or subscription?
Maybe staying in budget and treating everyone fairly are your top values. Those values inform the other decisions.
Decide Once
How do you beat gift giving decision fatigue?
After you name what matters, decide once.
Decide Once is another of the Lazy Genius principles. It means that you make a decision that you apply to all similar situations until it doesn’t work any more.
Develop a go-to strategy that applies repeatedly.
When you have a fall back, you can reduce the number of decisions that you are making.
This has multiple applications when it comes to the gift giving process— when to give, what to give, how to wrap, what to do about a card.
Her advice borders on life saving.
How Decide Once Applies to Gift Giving
Start with will you give a gift at all.
Then decide what the gift will be and what you will do for wrapping and cards.
Having a go to reduces the number of decisions you make.
Deciding once could mean that you always give art supplies to kids, or always a T shirt and pair of jeans, or always a book with cash.
You can choose to always use gift bags or brown paper or no wrapping, just a bow.
When my kids were young, and they were invited to a friend’s party, I would use one of their school pictures as a gift card. This solved the problem of buying a gift tag, it was personal, and their friends got to keep the picture.
Sometimes we develop a go to strategy naturally, but it helps to put it in a framework.
Kendra’s Brilliant Example
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For example, Kendra Adachi gives Myquilynn Smith’s book, The Cozy Minimalist, as a teacher’s gift every year. I love this on so many levels.
First of all, it’s a book.
I love giving books as gifts and recognize that it’s not always easy.
Secondly, it’s a great gift! I saw a teacher comment about getting 15 mugs every year as a teacher gift. Wow. That’s overwhelming. But practical, universal principles on home decorating is something every woman can use.
Other Book and Occasion Pairings
This idea can be expanded to other occasions. Take weddings, for example.
We often give Love and Respect with a gift card as a wedding present.
Cookbooks make a great wedding present, like Joanna Gaines’ Magnolia Table. Ree Drummond, The Pioneer Woman who has several good cookbooks. Or try a basic, all-inclusive one like The Better Homes and Gardens Cookbook.
There’s a nice trend in our area to give a book at a baby shower in place of a card.
There’s so many great books for babies.
One of my favorite kind of books for babies are Indestructibles. Unlike board books, they can’t be ruined by being chewed.
When we owned a bookstore, there was a customer who went to every baby shower at her large church always bought Sandra Boynton board books as gifts. It was her go to strategy.
My friend Marilyn gave a Bible to each of her seven grandchildren that she had read through- making notes, marking passages and praying for that child. What a treasure those kids have from their grandma.
My Favorite Books to Give
Some people on your list are readers and some are not.
So books might not work for everyone on every occasion. No problem.
But, don’t overlook the times when a book or a boxed set of books is the perfect gift.
Jesus Calling devotional by Sarah Young makes a nice gift. The large print has all the scripture verses written out so that you don’t have to look them up.
I’m a lifetime fan of C.S. Lewis’ The Chronicles of Narnia. I think there’s something there for every age from about 5 and up. The boxed set makes a nice family gift.
The Insanity of Godby Nik Ripkin is a gift that we’ve been giving lately. It tells stories about the impact of the gospel on people’s lives and the effects of persecution on believers.
Turn the Ship Around! is a great book on leadership for the leaders in your life.
Harold and the Purple Crayon is a great book for kids about the possibilities of imagination.
Lola Dutch is another whimsical heroine that brims with possibility.
A Child’s First Bible by Ken Taylor is one that we like to give to our grandkids.
I’ve given scores of books as gifts. Sometimes I missed the boat completely. Other times it’s been near misses. Once in a while I knock it out of the park. Sure, I’d like to improve my odds.
But Kendra Adachi’s Lazy Genius Principles give me the encouragement I need to believe that, for me, giving books matters and it’s worth it to keep swinging.
In easy to digest, bite sized pieces, Kendra Adachi lays out the rationale and outline for living life as a Lazy Genius. “Embrace What Matters, Ditch What Doesn’t and Get Stuff Done, ” according to the subtitle.
Kendra gives you a framework for making your life work for you. Heavy on insight and low on guilt. Feeling like a failure doesn’t help. Getting clear on what’s important is a critical first step. She calls it naming what matters.
In the forward, Emily P. Freeman says “being a Lazy Genius is not about doing things the right way but about finally finding your own way.”
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The Lazy Genius Way is Guilt Free
Mom Guilt is worse than ever. We know more than we ever did before. We have access to more information at our fingertips. We see pictures everyday on social media of friends, acquaintances and celebrities who are killing it in the areas where we struggle.
So, getting permission to let some things go, to relax our expectations, to be okay with who we are feels like a giant exhale because finally the pressure’s off. The goal is no longer elusive, it’s attainable.
No more guilt.
The Lazy Genius Way is an Easy Read
I read The Lazy Genius Way in two days.
The bridging the gap between author and audience, when a writer does the lion’s share of the work to communicate, the work of the reader is a breeze.
Kendra Adachi’s writing is clear, concise and funny.
The Lazy Genius Ways Uncovers the Root of the Life Management Problem
I was drawn to the premise of this book and the foundational insight that “getting it together” is going to look different for you than it does for me.
I’ve often wondered why, after 3 decades of adulting, I’m still fighting the laundry wars.
Now I know.
The things that matter most take precedence over the things that matter least. Laundry always needs to be done. It’s never the most important thing in my life.
Be a genius about the things that matter most and be lazy about things that don’t is the Lazy Genius Way.
Striving towards big hairy audacious goals might work for business but isn’t the model to follow when your biggest objectives are harmony in the home or transferring your values to the next generation.
Naming what matters as advocated by Kendra is an important first step.
Paradigm shift is overused, but that describes it. Call it creating a new mindset, seeing things differently or approaching life management without the guilt.
The Lazy Genius Way Lets Go of the Frustration of not Achieving
Much of the self-help literature focuses on setting goals, trying harder and accomplishing more. So, resting and relaxing? Feels pretty good.
It’s a different mindset, a different way to look at things. It’s permission to be imperfect, even to fail and be okay with it.
The Lazy Genius Way Outlines Transferable Principles
One reason self-help books often don’t help is that they don’t have universal principles that are transferable. Getting up early, exercising or meditating first thing in the morning doesn’t work for everyone.
Kendra outlines principles that are transferable— Start Small, Decide Once, Ask the Magic Question, Go in the Right Order and Schedule Rest. And that’s just the beginning.
The Lazy Genius Way Acknowledges Your Season
I’ve read some idealistic books and thought, what if you have to care for a parent or a special needs child or you’re fighting for your own health? Then these things don’t work.
There’s some seasons of life when you don’t get enough sleep and there’s nothing you can do about it.
Even though I’m in a different season than Kendra and the stories and illustrations from her life don’t match mine, I’m still able to walk away with some applicable principles. The tips and examples help me them in action.
What’s my biggest takeaway?
Hope.
On the days when I feel I can’t get off the hamster wheel and I’m not making forward progress, there’s hope.
Why do we need winter life savers? I think at the root is the lack of sunshine. And the cold. Both are hard to handle. Snow is beautiful, but sometimes treacherous on the road. Getting that vitamin D is just harder in the winter.
Articulating what helps me cope is the first step of gratitude.
6 Minutes + 4 Seconds
I love the idea of micro habits even though I’m not good at implementing them. The idea is starting so small and easy that virtually no will power is needed.
Now there’s a study that suggests four seconds of exercise is long enough to make a difference. Granted, they’re saying four seconds five times an hour for eight hours using a high intensity stationary bike, but apparently that’s enough to counteract sedentary living.
Since I don’t have a high intensity stationary bike, I’ve tried four seconds of jumping jacks on days I don’t go to the gym. I can’t say definitively that it’s made a difference physically, but it’s encouraging mentally. Plus, it’s so tiny, how can you not do it?
Even though I can’t chalk this up as a major success, the very idea gives me hope.
Nut Pods
It’s the old coffee dilemma. Trying to find that hot morning drink that will be good for your health.
I have the extra challenge of feeling best when I stay away from dairy and sugar.
But trying to find a creamer with no dairy and no sugar? Not easy. Enter nut pods.
Now I can have coffee with creamer that actually tastes good.
Some days I drink real coffee. Right now we’re drinking hand delivered Honduran coffee beans from our friends who teach at a tiny school in the mountains of Honduras.
I add stevia and a little pink salt. Yum.
Some days I drink a coffee substitute made of dandelion root and chicory thanks to this recipe.
Never underestimate the power of finding a good tasting hot drink.
Venn Diagram
I can’t tell you how many times my mind has wandered back to the Venn Diagram in the past few months. That overlap is important in a multitude of situations.
Take reading to kids.
Books have to please the adult and the child.
That sweet spot in the middle is where all the pleasure of reading together is going to happen. That’s not to say you can’t stretch the boundaries sometimes when an adult sacrifices to “read it again” or the child broadens their horizons to try a new book.
It’s also true for date night.
To stay in that sweet spot we won’t be watching football. Nor will we be watching House or Call the Midwife.
There’s actually quite a few movies we both like. It just takes some digging and mutual veto power.
The key component here is believing that it’s worth the extra effort to find what fits smack dab in the middle of the overlap. That probably means more research to find books and more research to find activities. It means not stopping until you find what pleases all parties involved. It’s worth it.
Why is it so important? Because without it, someone is giving in and sacrificing needlessly.
6 Week White Board
One of the big problems I have with normal calendars is the view of one month at a time.
This especially hits home in May because my birthday falls on the second.
Turn the page to May and — boom!— there’s the birthday, while we’ve been looking at April for the last 30 days.
I love calendars but what I love most is looking ahead.
Living in the present is hard for me, but that’s another story.
My paper planner shows one month at a time but I like the idea of visually seeing 6 weeks at a time, including the beginning of the next month.
Because you fill in your own spaces with this board, you can be wherever you want during the 6 week cycle. Best of all, you can see more than the month you’re in.
In practical terms, if I have a busy week or weekend coming up, it’ll show up in black and white and I can plan some coping strategies. A couple that have worked are grocery shopping for two weeks instead of one or making a big pot of soup to cover my lunches for the week.
There’s lots of options for gifts, and plenty of books to choose from since books are my gift of choice. So, whyam I stocking up on Amy Lynn Green’s debut novel to give to my nieces?
We can learn from historical fiction, I trust Amy Lynn Green’s voice, the next generation urgently needs good books and our young people need heroes.
“You can’t throw a potato peel without hitting a new bestseller” about World War IIaccording to Stephanie Merry in The Washington Post. She proposes theories as to why readers can’t get enough of World War II novels. One is that it’s a time in history with a clearly defined villain. Another is that there are still untold chapters in that period of history to explore.
World War II fiction novels are popular and prevalent. But not all are created equal.
We can learn from historical fiction
We can learn from history, even when it’s fictionalized.
We need to learn from history. The experiences of our lives aren’t enough to make good decisions, even to form a good world view. We need more input.
Number the Stars, and The War that saved my Life are fictional accounts of events that really happened.
And so we can learn from them.
Because even though they are not true stories, they are still someone’s story. Maybe a composite, maybe an expanded account of what really happened.
Behind every great piece of fiction is truth. That’s what makes it great.
One of the biggest pluses for Things We Didn’t Say is pulling back the curtain on a little known chapter of the history of World War 2, the POW camps on US soil that detained mostly German prisoners of war. It’s a chapter we need to know about.
The Next Generation Urgently Needs Good Books
It’s critical to put good books in the hands of the next generation. I believe this to the core of my being.
I believe it’s worth fighting for good books. I believe we need to support them.
In C. S. Lewis’ The Voyage of the Dawn Treader, Eustace Scrubb is a selfish, prideful bully who is pulled into the magical country of Narnia with his cousins and experiences a life-changing encounter with Aslan. The comment is made early in the story that Eustace had never read the right sort of books. Our kids today need the right sort of books. It’s up to us to make sure they get them.
You are what you read, much more than you are what you eat.
For example, Things We Didn’t Say explores inter-racial relationships and prejudice. Great issues to wrestle with in any century. It makes us better people.
Dealing with these important topics is critical for the belief formation of our young people. They are called the formative years for a reason.
The input they receive in the first eighteen years of their life is critical for them to develop the foundational belief system that will guide their lives.
I Trust Amy Lynn Green’s Voice
In perilous times, trust is the scarcest commodity– hard earned and easily lost.
Amy Lynn Green is a voice that I trust.
What is that important? Because many authors have hidden agendas. The lines have become blurred even for Christian authors. It’s hard to know what their world view is and what they believe.
I’m not proposing that you can’t read authors who have differing world views. It’s certainly possible to appreciate authors and artists whose world view don’t align with yours.
But young people in the formative years are influenced by what they read. It’s better if the books we hand them come from voices we trust.
I think steering young people towards those trustworthy voices is important.
Our Young People Need Heroes
They need the example of heroes, real and imagined, to inspire them to bravely fight their dragons, climb the mountains and bring home treasure.
They need to read about Corrie ten Boom and Sir Edmund Hillary. But they also need to know about Bilbo Baggins and Johanna Berglund.
The heroes of World War II fill that need.
There are still untold stories, unexplored chapters of history to enrich our lives.
This need for role models fuels our passion for World War II tomes, fiction and non-fiction.
In Code Girls we learn of thousands of women toiling to break enemy code. In We Were the Lucky Ones, men and women employed their best survival skills to elude the enemy, preserve their lives and protect their families. These were the people who really lived and really conquered.
We can draw courage from their stories.
Although Johanna Bergland and Peter Ito are fictional characters in Things We Didn’t Say, they are still heroes worth emulating.
We are inspired to be better people, to bravely face the challenges in our lives.
In Things We Didn’t Say, the issues of race, prejudice and patriotism are addressed, as well as the age old question, where is an all-powerful, loving God when things go wrong? Why does He allow it?
Johanna’s struggle with what she believes about God and His goodness is real. We need to see her struggle.
What can Corrie ten Boom and Lysa Terkuerst teach us about forgiveness?
Forgiveness is a God given gift. The natural, human reaction is resentment, anger and bitterness. It doesn’t mean denying the offense or suffering. It is a decision and a process. It means leaving judgment in God’s hands. It doesn’t automatically mean reconciliation. We can borrow courage from Corrie and Lysa’s stories, even when our circumstances differ.
Corrie and Lysa lived in different centuries on different continents. But they served the same God who empowered them to forgive the ones who hurt them.
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Forgiveness is a supernatural, God-given gift.
The natural, human reaction is resentment, anger and bitterness.
It eats away at you and steals your joy. You want it to go away, but you also want to justify it. You want to feed it and pet it and nurse it. You want to pity yourself. You want to feel sorry for yourself for what you’ve suffered. If you forgive and let go of the bitterness it feels like you’re denying the hurt.
There’s the desire to inflict punishment on the one who has hurt you, to seek revenge. To make them hurt the way you’ve been hurt. To fantasize about their suffering.
But, in the end, that hurts you.
Forgiveness doesn’t mean denying the offenses or the suffering.
Foundational to our ability to forgive is the belief that we have been forgiven. We have inflicted pain. We need forgiveness.
Ultimately, it is a gift from God that we extend to others.
Corrie ten Boom and her family were Christians in Holland who believed that the Jews were God’s chosen people. They defied the German regime by hiding Jews in their home.
Corrie, her father and her sister were arrested and sent to German concentration camps. Corrie was the only one who survived the horrific treatment and was released on a technicality. After the war, when faced with one of her former captors, God empowered her to extend forgiveness to him.
Lysa Terkuerst is a writer, a Bible teacher and a ministry leader. And human. Very human. With weakness, sins and failures just like every other human on the planet. We can relate.
Lysa Terkuerst suffered the unfaithfulness of her husband and took a deep dive into studying biblical forgiveness. Her marriage was redeemed and restored. She wrote a book entitled Forgiving What You Can’t Forget.
Not only has she tackled one of the most difficult topics head on, she’s been vulnerable and courageous enough to share her own story. A story of redemption and restoration.
Forgiveness is a decision and a process.
–Lysa Terkuerst
I wonder if when Jesus talks about forgiving 70 times seven, he isn’t talking about different offenses. Maybe he’s talking about the process of continually forgiving deep offenses whether or not they occurred repeatedly.
Regardless, forgiveness is rarely a one and done proposition. It often is a journey.
Sadie Robertson of Duck Dynasty fame published an incredible interview with Lysa Terkuerst on her podcast about forgiveness. Listen to the whole interview here.
Forgiveness doesn’t mean pardon. It leaves judgment in God’s hands.
We relinquish the right to be judge and jury when we forgive. We acknowledge that God has the right to judge and punish. That breaks the chains of unforgiveness in our hearts.
I forgave them for the fact of what happened. But now I must forgive this person for the impact that this had on me.
Lysa Terkuerst
Unforgiveness hurts us more than anyone else. It’s a gift to ourselves to forgive. We benefit more than anyone.
The best part is that when we forgive, we quit hurting ourselves.
Sometimes forgiveness includes reconciliation and sometimes it doesn’t
Lysa Terkuerst
Lysa’s story includes reconciliation and restoration, but she acknowledges that not all stories end that way.
We can borrow courage from Corrie and Lysa’s stories, even if our circumstances differ
The truth is, we can learn from the stories of courageous women. It’s an area of life that touches everyone.
We can follow Corrie and Lysa as they follow Jesus. We can see what it looks like for someone who is throughly human, throughly forgiven.
Story is the door.
The magic door that unlocks the imagination and emotion.
Through that door we embark on our own personal journey. We transcend time and leave our lives behind. We walk with them.
When we come down from the mountain, we pass through the door and return to our own lives.
But we bring the courage with us.
That’s the power of story.
It creates within us a hope that we can conquer the dragons in our world.
The truth is that other people’s stories can inspire us to live differently, to live better.
It doesn’t matter if we walk in their shoes, exactly.
The point is, everyone has the need to forgive someone in their lives.
We can travel the journey with Corrie ten Boom and Lysa Tekuerst.
It helps to know how real humans live, how we can be like them.
We can bring back the courage from their stories and apply it to our lives.
I grew up in a read aloud family. I knew I wanted that for my kids and my husband agreed. Some of my best parenting memories are family read alouds. Even with all the screen temptations today, I believe in the value of family read aloud time.
My top three picks if you are just starting withfamily read alouds are McBroom’s Wonderful One Acre Farm, Wonder and The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe. You need some quick wins if your family is ready to add chapter books to picture books.
Depending on the listening ability of your kids, these could work if your youngest is around age 4 or 5.
Best books for starting a family reading tradition
If you’re just getting started with family read alouds, you need some quick wins. High quality picture books could be a good option, but if your kids are ready for chapter books these are my top picks.
They’re books that have wide appeal but don’t take forever, a perfect jumping off point for establishing family read aloud time.
It’s important to let go and move on when books aren’t working for everyone, including adults.
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McBroom’s Wonderful One Acre Farm by Sid Fleischman
Short and funny, tall tales that are a joy to read out loud. A terrific place to start for a quick win.
Farmer McBroom and his passel of youngun’s encounter bizarre twists of fate. Their zany antics add to the craziness, and a scheming, snarky neighbor man rounds out the cast.
Frindle by Andrew Clements
I love Frindle for the same reason I love Harold and the Purple Crayon. Because it teaches us to believe in possibility.
Nicolas Allen was a fifth grader who believe he could make an impact. First on his classroom, then on his school, on his community and beyond. It took an idea, a belief and someone who believed in him. Heart warming story for all the dreamers of the world.
A tribute to the power of imagination, Frindle asks the question, What if a fifth grade boy can change the dictionary?
Wonderby R.J. Palacio
What a great book! Highly recommended for all ages.
I love the way it tackles head on mega topics: embarrassment, shame, discouragement, rising above difficult circumstances, the elements of a true friendship.
August Pullman is a likable fellow. If he were a jerk, this story wouldn’t have worked.
It strikes at the very heart of what it means to be a person. Where do you fit into society. How does society react to you?
It’s not just an overcomer story. It’s a family systems story. Our family of origin matters so much when it comes to what we believe about ourselves.
I love the middle school principal in this story. I love the way he has such a deep understanding of kids. I love how he can see what is happening beneath the surface. This is great for teachers, administrators, youth pastors, everyone who deals with kids. And for kids, themselves.
The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe by C.S. Lewis
I consider C.S. Lewis’ Chronicles of Narnia to be the pinnacle of children’s literature. These stories can be appreciated at all ages (beginning around age 5), maturity levels and intellects. They can be classified as fantasy, yet the truths they portray are real. In the midst of stories of talking animals, Lewis manages to paint realistic pictures of human nature and personality. They can be reread multiple times.
The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe was the first in the series that Lewis wrote, though some people like to start with The Magician’s Nephew which tells the story of the creation of Narnia. I recommend starting with Wardrobe and view The Magician’s Nephew as a prequel.
5 Stars! I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE this whimsical story. (That’s a lotta love.) I read it to the teens in my carpool, and gave it to my nieces and nephews.
Four motherless girls on vacation with their father. Their romps with pets, neighbors and each other: a simple, but satisfying plot.
I loved the uplifting, engaging characters. Real heroes. Great values. Whimsical.
Read Alouds for younger kids
There’s not much in life I enjoy more than clean, damp kids in footie pajamas snuggled up for a story.
But I certainly understand that Norman Rockwell pictures aren’t reality every night. Some nights you’ve had it up to here, you gave everything at the office and you just need the kids to obey, be quiet and go to bed.
I’m not saying that doesn’t need to happen some nights.
Maybe your work schedule or kids’ activities make bedtime reading impossible. Then it’s time to get creative— audiobooks in the car, read aloud time on vacation or road trips, during breakfast or after lunch.
Parenting is a long series of adjustments and many things work only for a season.
An important factor is to pick engaging books that have everyone begging for one more chapter. When you’re in the middle of a book like that, it’s easy to find cracks in the schedule to squeeze in a read aloud session.
Adventures with Waffles by Maria Parr
Lena and Trille are next door neighbors and best friends, coconspirators in mishaps. While getting in and out of scrapes, they learn a lot about friendship, family and life.
Although recently published, this book has the timeless feel of a classic.
Charlotte’s Web by E.B. White
I’m fond of E. B. White’s classic, Stuart Little, but Charlotte’s Web comes out on top for me. Maybe it’s that (spoiler) Charlotte’s death made me cry when I first read it as an eight year old.
It never occurred to me before that this is a redemption story, but so it is. Charolotte the spider’s mission is to save her friend, Wilbur the pig, from the butcher’s block. Warm and wise and full of truth just like all the best children’s literature. One of my favorite scenes is when Fern’s mother seeks out the doctor’s advice because her daughter claims to have conversations with the barnyard animals and the doctor is open to the possibility that maybe she does communicate with animals.
The Mouse and the Motorcycle by Beverly Cleary
Beverly Cleary penned many great books for kids. The Ramona series is hilarious. My boys enjoyed the adventures of Ralph S. Mouse when they were little.
My personal feeling is that mice in literature are adorable. Mice in real life is another matter altogether. Regardless, I found the stories of the midget motorcyclist to be compelling and engaging.
A Little Princess by Frances Hodgeson Burnett
One of my lifetime favorites, A Little Princess tells the story of Sara Crewe leaving India and her beloved father to go to boarding school in England. A girl of vivd imagination and story telling gifts, she leans on those gifts to survive heartbreak and tragedy.
Roal Dahl’s classics, such as James and the Giant Peach, have pleased children and adults for decades. I have a soft spot for Charlie Bucket up against the spoiled and privileged children who found golden tickets and won a tour of Willie Wonka’s mysterious chocolate factory.
Every kid and kid at heart wants to be a winner. Rooting for Charlie is just so satisfying.
The Great Brain by John D. Fitzgerald
Hilarious antics and adventures of a clever boy growing up more than a century ago.
His ability to connive, wheel and deal, get in and out of scrapes and come out on top is impressive and amusing.
Based on the memories of the author and his older brother, Tom’s childhood days growing up in Utah.
The Wizard of Oz by L. Frank Baum
The beginning of Dorothy’s adventures in the magical land of Oz with the Scarecrow, the Tin Man and the Cowardly Lion. Like all enduring classics, it highlights recognizable principles of human nature. The Wonderful Wizard of Oz is actually the first book in a long series about Oz. I read it to my kids and my son enjoyed it so much he took off reading more books in the series.
Kenneth Grahame’s classic has delighted readers for more than a century. Mole, Rat, Toad and Badger are friends who adventure together, explore true friendship and stage interventions.
It is a universal commentary on human nature, because we all know someone like Toad, a reckless enthusiast whose impulsive antics land him in trouble. Younger kids can enjoy the tale of the friendship of talking animals. Older kids, teens and adults can engage at a different level.
Mary Poppins by P. L. Travers
P.L. Travers captures human nature so vividly and humorously that I enjoyed Mary Poppins more as an adult than I did as a child.
The Banks family needs a nanny. They think it’s to care for the children. Mary Poppins knows the deeper reason.
Caddie Woodlawn by Carol Ryrie Brink
Caddie Woodlawn is perhaps an under appreciated classic. My husband has fond memories of hearing this read aloud by his teacher in elementary school. He remembered the story, but forgot the title of the book. Stumbling across it decades later like reuniting with an old friend.
Caddie is the spunky spirited heroine growing up during the Little House on the Prairie era.
I’ve already mentioned The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe, but there are six more books in the series just as worthy to be family read alouds.
Lewis tells compelling stories with an amazing economy of words. He weaves timeless truths into tales that highlight the classic conflict between good and evil.
Some books on this list are here because of subject matter more appropriate for older kids. Others are longer, more complex stories that require the patience and focus of more mature kids.
One of the key factors for successful family reading time is pleasing all ages, especially the adult reading. Layered humor works. But so does wise, whimsical, compelling stories that captures the imagination of all ages.
As C.S. Lewis said, “A children’s story that can only be enjoyed by children is not a good children’s story in the slightest.”
Don’t be afraid to drop any book that isn’t working and move on. The goal is delight for everyone, even if you have to work harder to find what fits in the overlap of the Venn diagram.
The War That Saved My Life by Kimberly Brubaker Bradley
Nine-year-old Ada’s twisted foot is the shameful secret that causes her mother to confine her to their small apartment. When her little brother Jamie is sent out of London to escape the war, Ada plays stowaway to escape her own life.
Her life in the country and her relationship to the mistress of the farm opens her eyes to new ways of living and believing.
Great story.
Johnny Tremain by Esther Forbes
Set during the time of the United States War for Independence, Johnny Tremain tells the fictional story of a young man apprenticed to be a silver smith.
His front row seat to the history making events of his day creates a compelling backdrop for his own personal challenges.
Anne of Green Gables by L.M. Montgomery
Anne is a herione universally loved by girls and remembered fondly by women. Of course, so much of the charm is Anne herself–spunky, competitive, fiercely loyal, throughly human.
And who can resist Gilbert Bythe who shows his affection in the manner of red blooded boys everywhere?
But some of the appeal of Anne is the wistfulness of small town community where the gossips whisper and pass judgment and the sons and daughters marry their neighbors and hearts are broken never to see healing through the decades. And underlying it all is the deep longing for home and family.
The Hobbit by J.R.R.Tolkien
One of literature’s ultimate hero’s journey, the story of Bilbo Baggins resonates deeply, even if you’re not a homebody. Bilbo certainly wasn’t out looking for adventure, because hobbits are fond of regular meals and the comforts of home.
But, if there’s a wizard and a dragon, a quest, danger, travel companions to help and hinder, a magic ring and some treasure, it all adds up to a satisfying tale with uncanny parallels to life as we know it.
TheBoys in the Boat, Young Readers edition, by Daniel James Brown
The background story of the Olympic rowing team of 1936.
A huge takeaway for me from this book was the critical element of trust in teamwork.
In addition to the practical principles of building a winning team, the pathos of a couple of the boys on the team pulled the heart strings.
I originally checked out the print version of Boys in the Boat from the library to read to my 16-year-old. When that had to go back, I checked out the e-version. When that was returned, there were no more available copies of the book. So, I checked out the young readers edition. I liked it even better than the original.
Cheaper by the Dozen by Frank B Gilbreth and Ernestine Gilbreth Carey
What if you grew up in family of twelve children? The authors of Cheaper by the Dozen draw from the memories of their childhood days in a big family.
Laugh out loud funny, winsome characters, appealing for all ages beginning around age 8.
All Creatures Great and Small by James Herriot
My mother read scads of books of books to us while I was growing up, but my favorite memory of reading James Herriot was when my Dad read this to my brother and me on a trip. We would have been about 7th and 9th grades and we laughed so hard we could hardly breathe.
The tales of a country vet working in the English countryside set the scene for some fascinating and humorous stories.
Swiss Family Robinson by Johann David Wyss
It’s almost hard to imagine why the story of a shipwrecked family on a deserted island is so fascinating, but it is. The mom and dad and four boys survive, they build, they entertain themselves. Simple and satisfying.
Read Aloud Revival is a wealth of book lists and practical tips for reading families.
If you’re interested in Moms who want their kids to avoid learning loss over the summer by good reading habits, check out my post Stop the Summer Slide: A Tale of Three Moms
Looking for a life changing book? In my half century of passionate reading, I’ve encountered 22 exceptional books. Often profoundly simple, the ideas in these books have germinated and spread.
My top five picks for life changing books are The Alchemist, Margin, Atomic Habits, The Five Love Languages and The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People. I pulled these five from my list of 22 titles in five categories.
I’ve read and recommend every book listed here. Pictures of the book covers are Amazon affiliate links which earn commissions for this site.
Philosophy of Life
1. Man’s Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl
Vicktor Frankl wrote Man’s Search for Meaning after surviving a stint in a German concentration camp.
With a background in psychiatry, he studied the people in the camp looking for why some survived and why some gave up and died.
He found that those that had the will to live felt they had a mission in life to complete. In his own case, it was to finish the book he was writing and to see his wife again.
“Man’s search for meaning is the primary motivation in his life and not a ‘secondary rationalization’ of instinctual drives. This meaning is unique and specific in that it must and can be fulfilled by him alone.”
“Everyone has his own specific vocation or mission in life to carry out a concrete assignment which demands fulfillment. Therein he cannot be replaced, nor can his life be repeated. Thus, everyone’s task is as unique as is his specific opportunity to implement it.”
But, what Frankl proposes is not just general, but a specific, unique mission only possible to be fulfilled by an individual.
2.The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho
The story is about a young man trying to make his way in life and wrestling with all of life’s big questions: love, loss, meaningful work and what really matters.
I found this parable intriguing. More of a life philosophy than novel, there was a lot of great food for thought. Why do we keep pursuing our dreams? How do we keep going after loss? What is true treasure in life? What is worth the sacrifice?
3. The Road Less Traveled by M. Scott Peck
Originally published in 1978, this book based on M. Scott Peck’s experience as a psycharistrist highlighted the attributes needed for self-fulfillment. The title of the book comes from Robert Frost’s poem, The Road Not Taken.
He covers the difference between love and dependency, becoming a more sensitive parent and achieving personal fulfillment. The first sentence of the book is “Life is difficult”. Were truer words ever spoken?
Practical Everyday Change
4. Margin by Richard Swenson
“Margin is the space that once existed between ourselves and our limits. Today we use margin just to get by. This book is for anyone who yearns for relief from the pressure of overload. Reevaluate your priorities, determine the value of rest and simplicity in your life, and see where your identity really comes from. The benefits can be good health, financial stability, fulfilling relationships, and availability for God’s purpose.”– from Amazon
When we live without margin, we live on the edge. We live on the brink of breakdown because of the overload.
Swenson argues that we need that cushion of unclaimed resources as a buffer for times of crisis. We need margin in our lives in the areas of emotional energy, physical energy, finances and time. Using the maximum of every resource increases our stress and pain. Leaving some unused margin in our resources reduces our stress and pain and allows us to rest.
5. The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen Covey
7 Habits is a classic for a reason.
The seven habits are highly actionable. They permeate everything you do, giving you a framework for your life.
Covey fully explains the seven habits as well as fleshing out practical implementations with some of the best stories in all of self-help literature.
The seven habits:
Be Proactive.
Begin with the End in Mind.
Put First Things First.
Think Win/Win.
Seek First to Understand, Then to Be Understood.
Synergize.
Sharpen the Saw.
6. Atomic Habits by James Clear
In the avalanche of self-help books, Atomic Habits stands out from the pack. James Clear communicates clearly about habits, routines and systems making profound observations about the science of transformation.
There’s several reasons why Atomic Habits is such a great book. First of all, is the depth of understanding of how habits work in our lives and how powerful they are for life change.
Another reason is the power of habits to increase focus and productivity in our lives.
The third reason is that it’s a ground breaking book from a thought leader that challenges the status quo.
On his website, James Clear lists his top 100 recommended books, many in the areas of personal development and life change.
7. The Miracle Morning by Hal Elrod
Hal Elrod tells his incredible story about fighting back from the brink, not once, but twice. The first time physically, recovering after a near fatal car accident. The second time was after being on the verge of financial collapse.
He also studied the morning habits and systems of successful people and identified the common factors. He distilled them into 7 principles and invented an acronym to aid in memorizing each one.
8.The Total Money Makeover by Dave Ramsey
Out of all the financial gurus out there, why listen to Dave Ramsey? What sets Dave apart is his understanding of human nature and the emotional roadblocks that keep people from make good financial decisions.
Part of his signature advice is the “debt snowball”. Arranging your debts from smallest to largest doesn’t necessarily make sense except you need the encouragement of seeing progress, of seeing a debt paid off . . . “sometimes motivation is more important than math”. This encouragement keeps you on track to meet your financial goals.
Another thing that sabotages a good plan is an emergency expense. Planning for emergencies is a bedrock principle for success financially, according to Dave.
He suggests two ways to do this. First is a small emergency fund. Later, a larger fund is created in preparation for a financial tidal wave.
It takes an intensity and focus to succeed financially. Dave calls it “gazelle intensity”.
Stories of people who have overcome significant obstacles to achieve financial freedom serve as an inspiration and encouragement to those in the trenches.
9. The Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up by Marie Kondo
Kondo’s little book is getting a lot of buzz, for good reason.
She attacks the problem of decluttering with her signature question when faced with whether to keep or not. “Does it spark joy?”
Kondo attacks common myths, such as do a little every day. Simple, profound principles to help you get your living space in order.
10. One Thousand Giftsby Ann Voskamp
Every person in the world knows pain and heartache. And every person can number their blessings.
Ann Voskamp challenges us to be intentional about looking for and expressing gratitude. It colors my thinking to this day.
I understand that her poetic prose doesn’t appeal to everyone. Grammar Geeks beware. But the message is universal and important.
If you’re looking for more books on practical, everyday change take a look at my post Books like Atomic Habits
Better People Skills
11. How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie
Classic for a reason, Dale Carnegie’s advice is needed today more than ever. People build relationships virtually with less relating going on face to face.
Covering basic profound truths about interacting with people, resolving conflict and leading without offending, it has become the go to handbook for human interaction. Since human nature hasn’t changed since the book was first published in 1936, the principles that worked then work today.
12. The 5 Love Languagesby Gary Chapman
Gary Chapman proposed the idea that there are five main ways people express and receive love. Most people identify most strongly with one of the ways and feel loved when love is expressed in that way.
The five ways are words of affirmation, acts of service, quality time, physical touch and gifts.
Knowing the love language of the people closest to you prepares you to express your feelings more effectively.
13. The Road Back to You by Ian Morgan Cron
What’s all the buzz about the enneagram? Why is there such a following for an ancient system of personality typing that seems to have no research behind it?
I put it in the same category as The 5 Love Languages. It gains a following because it rings true.
Of course. I should have seen it all along. But, of course, we didn’t. But now it seems so obvious when it’s all laid out.
Yes. That is what I’m like. That’s how my friends and family tick. It all makes sense now. I get it. And because it rings true, it gains a following and creates a buzz.
14. The Five Dysfunctions of a Team by Patrick Lencioni
Have you ever wondered why some teams can accomplish incredible feats and others can’t accomplish anything? What if there were a way to diagnose the problems and solve them? Now there is.
Five Dysfunctions is a leadership fable. It is a page-turning quick read fiction, for the very reason a good movie is: it’s full of conflict.
“The characters in this book ring true, are completely recognizable, and fully-realized. The book itself is well-written, and, I believe, ranks with the best of the genre.” –Jack Covert, co-author with Todd Sattersten of 100 Best Business Books of All Time
Five Dysfunctions identifies the major obstacles that keep a group from functioning as a team. There are repeatable patterns that keep a team from reaching it’s goals. By identifying these patterns and working to change them, the team can move forward and accomplish it’s goals.
What are the Five Dysfunctions?
Absence of trust
Fear of conflict
Lack of commitment
Avoidance of accountability
Inattention to results.
Lencioni is spot on in his analysis and his resolution. This book is life-changing.
Life Change at Work
15. Who Moved My Cheese? by Spencer Johnson, M.D.
Spencer Johnson wrote a business fable featuring talking mice who run mazes to get cheese.
He outlines the strategies that different people use to achieve success and which ones are most effective.
Brandon Gaille produced a concise overview of the book with clearly articulated takeaways. Read the summary here.
16. The 4 Hour Work Week by Timothy Ferriss
Tim Ferriss popularized the idea that you can make a living without a 9 to 5 corporate job. The internet has opened up new types of commerce and information jobs that weren’t possible three decades ago.
Many people will tell you that a literal four hours a week is a misnomer and that you can’t skip over the 90 hour weeks it takes leading up to the point where you can make passive income.
But, there are others who will give testimony to their own 10 to 15 hour a week journeys to earn a full-time income based on repeatable principles of building an online business.
The point is that Tim Ferriss was a front runner in proclaiming to the world that there was a new way to to make money and finance your life.
17. Purple Cow by Seth Godin
Seth Godin is a thought leader who has written scads of books. It was hard to pick just one. But, Purple Cow has a simple, profound principle, which like so many of the thought leaders seems obvious when you hear it and makes you wonder why no one else has articulated it.
In order to succeed in marketing, your product or service has to be remarkable. It has to stand out from the pack and make an impression.
In business speak, this is called the unique selling proposition. Even though that term has been around for decades, Seth Godin drives it home.
Seth’s strength is being able to observe and analyze simple, profound truths and articulate them clearly. Seems like that should be an easy task, but it’s not.
18. Deep Work by Cal Newport
Newport first builds the case for the importance of deep work, then he expounds on practical steps to accomplish it. Simply put, what is needed is focus and discipline.
I agree with Newport’s main premise: we are doing worse work because we’re distracted. I see it all the time in the low quality of books that are published and the huge vacuums that exist in many genres for high quality work.
Newport is a college professor. Publishing in scholarly journals is the deep work he needs to accomplish. I think the principles apply to all writers, and probably all knowledge workers in general.
It is the path of least resistance to fritter away our time. When we are careful about every working minute and rest well away from work, we accomplish much more.
Paradigm Shifting Research
19. Mindset by Carol Dweck
Even people who aren’t aware that there is a book called Mindset are aware of the difference between a fixed mindset and a growth mindset.
Carol Dweck, a distinguished Stanford University psychologist introduced the concept of new ways to look at talent and ability. Rather than seeing talent and ability as inherent, we can look at it as something that can be developed and grown. Adopting this paradigm has far reaching implications.
20. Grit by Angela Duckworth
In a landscape where everyone is looking for the recipe to success, Angela Duckworth has identified a surprising ingredient: Grit.
She defines grit as perseverance and passion for long-term goals. It includes the determination and motivation to continue on in spite of setbacks and failures.
In her research as a psychologist, she was able to isolate this characteristic as the best predictor of success. Other resources, such as talent and financial backing did not correlate as the best predictor. This breakthrough research opens the door to a better understanding of how successful people succeed.
21.Daring Greatlyby Brené Brown
Brené Brown is the poster child for courage.
She gathers data. She tells stories. She uncovers the uncomfortable secrets of whole-hearted living. And she believes in her own research. Even when it’s not what she wants to find.
Vulnerability, she discovered, was a critical element to whole-hearted living. So she became vulnerable.
Her first TED talk went viral, when she talked about her breakdown/ spiritual awakening. She was so transparent that she had a “vulnerability hangover” for 3 days afterwards.
In contrast to those who tote their own personal experience or anecdotal evidence, Brown’s writing carries the weight of her research behind it.
Brené emphasizes the critical element of human connection, the torture of psychological isolation, and the shame that prevents us from connecting.
Dealing with negative emotions is part of the puzzle. Actually feeling them, instead of letting them fester and numbing them with addictions.
It all rings true. Even the uncomfortable parts. Especially the uncomfortable parts.
The transformation in Brené’s life as a result of believing the research is as fascinating as the research itself.
22. Do It Scared by Ruth Soukup
Ruth is breaking new ground by introducing the 7 fear archetypes. This is a different way to understand yourself: based on your natural fear tendencies.
Ruth shares compelling stories from her own life and inspirational stories from others. There’s an free online assessment you can take to identify your predominant fears.
In spite of good information and insight in this book, I’m not sure it will get the reception it deserves. My guess is there’s only a small percentage of the population that really wants to face their fears. Most of us would rather hide.
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Great books focused on life change can stimulate monumental transformation in our lives.
If you’re looking for practical ways to have a reading family, here’s ideas that worked for our family when our four kids were growing up.
Add reading to the chore chart
Capitalize on trips as prime reading time
Do the work to surround your kids with great books
Stop the Summer Slide by taking regular library trips
Prioritize parental enjoyment of Read Aloud sessions
Discuss books like Book Club, not like school assignments
Fit reading into daily rhythms
Take advantage of weekends, sick days and vacations for more reading.
Go the extra mile to help them with reading skills
If you want to build a reading family, but feel like you’re swimming upstream, I understand. But I want to encourage you that it is possible. Even with all the temptations of screens and all the busyness of work and activities. Even with short attention spans and distracted living you can do it.
It will take intentionality. Maybe some false starts. Maybe some hit and miss. Hang in there. I believe this is an achievable goal.
I had some advantages on this front. I was raised in a reading family. It was in my DNA. My grandmother was a librarian, my mother had a masters in education. Reading was my favorite hobby and before I had kids I looked forward to reading to them. My kids got books for gifts. We visited the library regularly. Reading aloud was part of our rhythms at nap time, at bedtime and on trips.
But no matter where you start, you can do this! You can have a reading family. And, I promise, the rewards are worth all the effort.
Create an environment conducive to reading
First, you need places to read. Book nooks or window seats are great. But couches, rocking chairs, bean bags, recliners or beds can work, too. Comfortable seating and good lighting are key to creating the best environment.
There’s also a need for book storage. Bookshelves are the obvious solution, but baskets, desks and tables can serve and toy bins works for baby’s books.
Surrounding yourself with great books means you need a place to keep them. Make it a beautiful place for your sanity and mental health.
Surround your kids with great books
The selection of easily accessible books is critical. It makes a huge difference if great books are at your fingertips or not.
Separating the wheat from the chaff will take some work. Soldier on. It’s worth it.
Wonder and The Penderwicks are great places to start for school aged kids.
Buy Books and Borrow Books
Libraries are incredible places. Free books on loan. What could be better? For the voracious reader and for the vast array of choices, you can’t beat the library.
But, there is something about the books you own. You know, the ones with your name in them. The ones that were a gift from someone special. The ones that you take with you when you leave home. You know. Those books.
I’ve found in recent years that our library doesn’t have a very wide selection of board books. I’ve also noticed that Amazon sells a lot of them. Board books are good books to buy because babies eat them up. Literally.
They are also fairly reasonably priced on Amazon or Bookshop or wherever books are sold.
There’s an emotional attachment to great books and great stories in your childhood. Your world view is being formed, your beliefs and assumptions are developing. What you’re absorbing during your first 18 years is so important.
Just like Kathleen Kelly says in You’ve Got Mail, the books you read as a child impacts you in ways that no other reading does for the rest of your life. It’s worth investing some time and money. It’s worth searching for the best resources so that you’re spending money on the best books.
Just do it.
Give books for Christmas, birthdays and special occasions
Some kids seem to have everything.
It’s hard to know what to get them. Toys and clothes are great and necessary. So are coupons for experiences. But you can’t go wrong with books.
Find a good list of recommendations. When you find a list you can trust, you’ve found gold.
Two of my favorite are Read Aloud Revival’s Book List and Sonlight Homeschool Curriculum Book List.
I also have a list of recommendations for babies and one for toddlers.
Make time in the schedule for free reading
It’s tempting to overload our kids’ schedules. But how many activities do they need? Some of it might depend on the child, how much socializing versus down time they need. Don’t forget your own needs and the health of the family in general. If you’re running ragged and out of sorts keeping up with the kids’ activities, dial it back. Your life matters, too.
If older kids have a lot of games, practices and rehearsals that younger kids are dragged to, redeem the time. Pack some books, water bottles and snacks. When there’s a break in the action or you’re waiting for your athlete to get debriefed or change out of uniform, sneak in a book or two with the younger ones.
Let them see you reading
This one might seem obvious, and maybe you’re already doing it.
Or maybe life has gotten so overwhelming that you’ve lost your passion for reading or never developed in in the first place.
The other possibility is that you only read when the kids are asleep. Steven Covey, the author of 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, was a voracious reader, but did all of his reading when the kids were in bed. When he heard a child say they never saw him read, he changed his routine to make his habit more visible to his kids.
Read aloud at nap time and bedtime
There’s something sweet about a clean, damp-haired child in footie pajamas. Add a fuzzy blanket and a great story book and the stage is set for some serious snuggling.
Bedtime stories can be geared toward multiple ages at once. All the greatest books appeal to a range of ages.
Different story times for different ages and interests works, too.
If bedtime at your house is chaotic, give yourself permission to start small. Don’t get discouraged if it’s hit or miss. Keep trying. Establishing new habits will take time and persistence.
Prioritize parental enjoyment of family reading times
One of the critical ingredients is pleasing both audiences. Both kids and adults have to be enjoying the experience. The adult has veto power. That means that books that have been read so many times they’ve lost their attraction can mysteriously disappear. Introduce some new ones until some new favorites develop.
Let the kids pick their favorites. Curate the pool they choose from. That’s how you place your vote. They pick from the selection you’ve curated. That’s how they vote.
This is impossible to overemphasize. If you aren’t enjoying it, you won’t be able to manufacture enthusiasm for reading time.
Chosen books have to fall in that sweet spot, that overlapping area of the Venn diagram where the adults enjoy them and the kids enjoy them.
It might take a little digging. It might take some hit or miss. Don’t give up. There’s some real treasures out there.
Visit places made famous by great literature— Prince Edward Island, the houses of Gene Straton-Porter, the places where Laura Ingalls Wilder lived.
Use vacation, sick days and weekends as time for extra reading
Normal weekday schedules can be really crazy, especially if you have kids with lots of activities.
It might be possible to squeeze in short reading sessions on some days, but maybe not on others.
Take advantage of vacation days, sick days and weekends to get in longer sessions of read aloud time or free reading.
If you’re ambitious, visit places made famous by great literature— Prince Edward Island, the houses of Gene Straton-Porter, the places where Laura Ingalls Wilder lived.
Add reading to chore charts
When our kids were growing up, I was a huge fan of summer chore charts.
I loved charts.
I still do.
So, besides the normal chores of dishes, putting away clean clothes, taking out trash and getting some exercise, our kids were expected to read books.
I picked the books I wanted them to read.
There were books in my life that impacted me. I wanted them to impact my kids in the same way.
Joni, The Hiding Place, Do Hard Things.
My daughter is amazed now to think about all the work she put in during the summer just to earn a $5 rabbit as a prize.
They either didn’t know or didn’t think about the fact that not many other kids were required to read specific books.
So, they did the charts and they read the books and they won the prize rabbits.
We also had family night every week.
Sometimes we played games, sometimes we played outside but most weeks we watched movies together. I remember times when I was so tired that it was hard to play games with the kids. It was hard to concentrate. Hard to stay awake. I fell asleep sometimes with the movies, too.
Now it’s time to do things with the grandkids.
Don’t be afraid to assign specific books
This especially applies to 10-14 year olds
Looking back, I’m amazed that my kids read the books I picked out for them. Not always, of course. Sometimes they gave me push back. But, a lot of times they did.
I remember hearing Kathy Peel speak in Dallas on a Saturday about her teenage son being at home working through his assigned list of tasks that included a specific book to read. I thought to myself, “Wow. You can do that? I am definitely stealing that.”
My kids were little then, and easier to influence. But it planted a seed that I definitely nurtured and cultivated.
Watch movie adaptions of great books
Watching movie adaptations of great books is a good way to build interest in reading.
You can watch them before you read the book or afterwards.
The Jungle Book. It’s easy to forget that the movie started out as a great piece of literature.
Chitty Chitty Bang Bang.
Mary Poppins.
The Wizard of Oz
The Chronicles of Narnia.
Aladdin.
All the Cinderella stories. Ever After is one of my favorite.
Lots of great movies started out as great children’s literature.
There’s some great ones for older kids and teens as well.
The Importance of Being Earnest.
Pride and Prejudice. (I’m a fan of the Keira Knightly version.)
The Lord of the Rings.
Read aloud on road trips
We traveled thousands of miles with our kids on family road trips. We had a gray fifteen passenger van that we packed to the gills with our four kids, friends, luggage and sometimes the dog.
Usually the pressure was on to make time and cover as many miles possible in the shortest amount of time.
We were blessed to have not too much carsicknesses and not too much whining and complaining. Our kids were good travelers.
I love a long stretch of highway. The rhythm of the tires on the road. The quietness of the night time sky full of stars and an empty road ahead.
Lots of memories, lots of stories from those traveling days.
But the best memories for me were reading aloud to the kids on those trips.
Cheaper By the Dozen. The Chronicles of Narnia. The Great Brain. The Hobbit.
Books we all loved.
Listen and watch on road trips
I realize that road tripping today is different than when my kids were little. The good news is there’s more options than ever to build a reading family on road trips.
Playing songs over the car speakers also builds vocabulary and helps family bonding. Road trips are a good time to squeeze in those movie editions of great literature. Getting kids hooked on the story will open the door for reading the book. Or, you could save the movie edition for after the book is finished.
Road trips are also a great way to listen to audiobooks as a family. There’s some books that have a wide range of appeal, starting with 4 or 5 year olds up through adults. Pick some of these books to create family memories and build a family culture around books.
Finally, if everyone needs some peace and quiet, kids can pull their own books or audiobooks and earbuds out of their backpacks. The good news is, when the book bug bites your kids, they’ll want to pack their own books to bring along.
Practice new reading skills by reading aloud
Read Aloud Revival hosts a 31 day reading challenge every January where kids are encouraged to read aloud.
They can read to siblings, parents, grandparents, pets or even stuffed animals. It’s a very doable challenge with leeway for missed days but it still gives structure and something to reach for.
Get them help if they’re having trouble learning to read
Most of the time all a beginning reader needs is help learning new words, lots of practice and lots of encouragement.
But, occasionally, some extra expertise is needed for a struggling reader.
One of our kids found reading unusually challenging. We started a journey, beginning with the eye doctor, to pinpoint the difficulty and ways to resolve it. Over a period of five years we were able to uncover his learning challenge and implement an unconventional program to equip him for his education.
It’s worth the cost to help your kids jump their hurdles.
Be aware of what your kids are reading
Keep an eye on what your kids are reading. Developing their own taste for reading and choosing their own books is important. You don’t want to squelch that. But you also need to have your antenna up when your kids stumble across books in opposition to your values.
Read reviews of books you haven’t read yourself
Trying to stay ahead of a voracious reader (or 2 or 3) can be an exercise in futility. Reading reviews is a good short cut to previewing the entire book. Look for reviews that will explore content.
Kids in mind has a limited amount of reviewed books. There are some other sites that do reviews of kids’ books, like Focus on the Family’s Plugged In.
Have you ever wondered why books don’t have ratings like movies? I was curious about that and was surprised what I found out after doing some digging. There’s some opposition to rating books. The reason the movie rating system was developed was a response to a Supreme Court ruling that movies were not protected under free speech and freedom of the press laws. That ruling was overturned 37 years later, but the movie rating system had already been established. It continues to develop and serves a purpose today.
In between assigning specific books to read and giving them free range reading is the middle ground of being aware of what they’re reading, making suggestions and having great books accessible in the house for when the mood strikes.
When my son was assigned a book report that had to be a biography, I went to the library and checked out five or six good options and brought them home so he could choose.
When he needed to read a classic, I did the same thing.
Of course, be aware that during certain seasons of the parent-teen relationship, anything a parent suggests is going to be the exact opposite of what the teen chooses.
These are the laws of human nature. Every emerging adult needs to assert their independence. Sometimes that means vetoing suggestions. Take it with a grain of salt.
Make Reading the Reward
When I was homeschooling, read aloud was the favorite part of the day, for my student and for me. We saved it as the reward for getting everything else on the list done for the day.
It helped keep us motivated. It helped keep us on track. It also helped keep our list of daily tasks manageable.
One year I had a great plan to read Swiss Family Robinson, a family about four boys on a deserted island and then Little Women, a story about four girls growing up in poverty and then assigning a “compare and contrast” essay on the two books.
The first book, Swiss Family Robinson, went great.
We both loved it.
Little Women, not so much. My seventh grade son rebelled and let me know in no uncertain terms that he didn’t like my choice. I caved. The essay was never written.
I still think it was a great idea though.
Find series for kids that they love
Once kids start reading on their own, a great way to throw fuel on the fire is to help them find series that they love.
Once they get excited about a series, they can blow through it quickly. They know what they’re going to read next. They won’t spend any time searching for their next read. They’ll just spend that time reading.
Hardy Boys and Nancy Drew and Cherry Ames were series that I loved as a kid as well as Encyclopedia Brown.
Little House on the Prairie is a great read aloud series or one to read on your own.
The Penderwicks and Michael Vey books are more recently published series that kids love.
Discuss books like Book Club
Sarah Mackenzie of Read Aloud Revival suggests creating a Book Club culture in your home.
Discussions about books can be open ended questions like “Which character in the book was most courageous? Or cowardly or wicked or noble?” and “What surprised you in this book?”
You don’t have to make a literary analysis. You don’t have to look up vocabulary words. You don’t have to study it.
You can just read it for the pure enjoyment of it.
Then, instead of answering questions about it to prove comprehension and critical thinking skills, you can just discuss it the same way you would discuss it with a Book Club. The things you loved and the emotions it surfaced as well as beliefs that were challenged or reinforced.
Sarah also advocates making the book discussion an event, with food and drinks that might fit a theme or might not. The point is to have a good time and celebrate the enjoyment of a book, not turn it into a textbook to be studied.
Encourage them to do art inspired by books
There’s a lot of different ways to go here. Not only can you draw pictures, paint pictures and make little books, you can also cook up recipes inspired by the the books you’re reading.
Chitty Chitty Bang Bang has a recipe for fudge in the back of the book.
American kids who read The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe wonder what Turkish Delight tastes like. I’ve seen some explanations, read some recipes. I think I even tried to make it once. I wasn’t impressed. But, the point is, our curiosity is piqued.
When I read through Farmer Boy, it seemed like all that family did was cook and eat great food. Homemade donuts stands out in my memory. Who am I to argue with literature inspired cooking?
Ask them share with Grandma
Sharing books with Grandma is now easier than ever with Skype and Facetime.
Older kids can talk about what they’re reading.
Babies, toddlers and pre-schoolers can actually read long distance with Grandma if both have a copy of the same book.
Send Once a Month Books
I love reliving every age and stage that kids go through again as a Grandma.
One of the best parts is finding, gifting and reading books to my grandbabies.
Inspired by Dolly Parton’s Imagination Library, I send a book a month to my faraway grandson.
Dolly sends one book a month for a child’s first five years to promote literacy and education. She started in her home county, but the program has grown across her home state and around the United States and to other countries.
The fact is, when books are owned, when they are in the home, when a child is surrounded by books, it makes a difference.
Accessibility matters. Books that don’t need to be returned to the library are books that can be loved in a different way.
My best advice for how to have a great road trip (if you’re a bookish introvert)? Bring snacks, pack smart, exercise, read aloud, consider your travel companions, enjoy the break and use the wee hours.
The beauty of road trips, if you’re fortunate enough to have long stretches in the car, is the miles of open road. Time to think, time to enjoy the scenery, time to be lulled by the hypnotic sound of tires on pavement.
I can see why people get wanderlust.
There’s something magnetic about the call of the open road.
A lot of our road trips have been across long stretches of open road. Pete and I went to college in California and our families were in Indiana. So, after we were married (and still in college), we did a lot of back and forth from the mid-west to the west coast.
Then we became missionaries in Mexico in the nineties and did family road trips from Indiana to 800 miles south of the border.
The dangers of road trips in Mexico were less than they are now, and we were mostly unaware of the ones that did exist. Plus, we worked our guardian angels overtime and kept our prayer warriors on their knees.
Starting from the days of road tripping with my parents, the best vacations always included the best books.
When I was growing up, my mom read to us in the car. I read to our kids in the car on road trips.
Now it’s just my hubby and me, and my favorite moment is when he says, “Okay, you can read to me.”
I try to pick books he’ll like. Some are a clear miss. Others hit the target.
Often a road trip is a chance to catch up with friends and family you don’t see every day. You don’t want to miss out on those special times by burning out socially. By learning how to gage your social energy and developing strategies to recharge, you can invest in those special relationships and still keep your sanity.
Bring Snacks
Bringing snacks is a good idea for obvious reasons, but also for skipping out on meals.
When you’ve hit your social limit, it’s time to get away from the crowd and recharge. Sometimes the best way to do that is to skip an activity or meal. Having some hefty snacks gives you options if you won’t be eating with everyone else.
Some good meal replacements are cheese sticks, protein bars, trail mix, protein drinks and beef jerky. The idea is something filling that will satisfy till the next meal rolls around.
Pack Smart
Keep it light.
There are scads of good resources for packing clothes and toiletries for a trip, so I won’t cover that here.
Think through the food options ahead of time (see Snacks)
Books, of course. Print books from libraries and bookstores. Audio books and ebooks on the ereader, phone or computer. (How to get hard copy books for free)
The books you take on vacation are more important than the clothes you pack. You have to take precaution with what you’re putting into your mind.
Plan your books. Put a little time into research so you make sure you’re taking winners, not duds.
My best advice for choosing books for a road trip is re-read your favorites. (If you’re a re-reader.) Then you know you’re going to have a winner.
Second best is take along the books that have been recommended by a book whisperer you trust. Then you have a good chance of bringing along a winner.
In the last ten years I’ve had to work at finding the great books. Before that, I used the “stumble upon” method, which worked surprisingly well. But, I was fortunate enough to have good ponds to fish from.
Fit Exercise into your Schedule
This can be a real challenge. A hotel fitness room works out great here, if the the hours it’s open fits into your schedule. The next best bet is a brisk walk around the neighborhood, or doing yoga or a workout routine in your room.
All of the options have challenges and at some point you might have extend grace to yourself and promise to get back to your normal work outs when the road trip is over.
Enjoy the Break in Routine
This is the beauty of road trips. You don’t have to do what you do in your everyday life. Revel in that fact.
You could go to sleep without setting an alarm.
Maybe even get to skip out on meal prep and doing dishes.
You don’t have yard work or mail to sort.
This is your chance to live in the moment, not looking forward to the next vacation.
Everything’s fine back home. Don’t worry. Enjoy where you are.
You get to see people you don’t get to see in your everyday life. You get to see sites you don’t see every day. This is the chance to learn about a different part of the country or a different country altogether.
Develop the mindset that you’re going to enjoy everything about the road trip that is different from your everyday life.
Consider Your Traveling Companions
If you’re traveling solo, this isn’t an issue. Stopping to see people on the way, of course, is within your control. You can decide how long to stay, when to move on and how packed your social schedule will be.
Traveling with others is a different story, especially if the others includes extroverts and especially if they are part of the decision making team. (Sorry, my opinion is that extroverted kids shouldn’t be calling the shots where a family road trip is concerned. But, I do think older kids should have the chance to voice their preferences.)
The key is negotiation and compromise.
If your road trip is primarily about vacation, a healthy diaglogue about social energy is critical. A packed social schedule is going to leave an introvert drained, not energized.
Negotiation and compromise also come into play among the planners versus spontaneous wanderers. Find the middle ground.
Read Aloud to the Kids
I almost didn’t include this one, because I thought times have changed since the time I was growing up and my kids were growing up. Now kids have their own screens. They can watch movies and play video games in the car. They might even have access to the whole of the internet. Why would they listen to a book?
But, I believe so much in the power of reading aloud, in the shared experience, in the value of great books and the impact they make on family culture, that I think it’s worth keeping.
With today’s technology and accessibility, it’s possible to check out audio books from the library that will play in your car.
Or, you can do it the old fashioned way and read with your own voice from a print book.
For family reading, you can’t go wrong with The Chronicles of Narnia. There’s something there for everyone.
I remember reading Cheaper by the Dozen to my kids.
I remember my mom reading all kinds of great books to us— Wind in the Willows is a favorite to this day.
When it’s just us empty nesters, the fare is decidedly different. We’ve tried some Louis L’Amor and Zane Grey. Recently we read David Platt’s Something Needs to Change.
Use the Wee Hours
If you’re on a road trip with other people, one of the biggest challenges for the bookish introvert is to find quiet time alone.
The best source of this time is when everyone else is sleeping.
This could mean early in the morning or late at night.
Re-energizing introvert activities are endless: journaling, quiet time with God, writing, surfing the internet or the unequalled pleasure of “just one more page”.
The need for the introvert to recharge is critical, so take it unapologetically. Even if you need to set an alarm for an unearthly hour. Or read under the covers with a flashlight.
Every culture has traditions and rituals when someone dies, such as funerals, memorials, and gravestones. In a sense, we have a structure on how to grieve. But some losses in life are ambiguous. We may not even recognize them as losses and certainly don’t know how to grieve them. When we closed our bookstore, I realized I needed to cope with ambiguous loss and stumbled trying to find my way.
Nine months after we closed the doors, I look back to see what helped and what didn’t. This is what I learned: Acknowledge the grief. Identify losses. Invest time. Be misunderstood. Share the journey. Apply bibliotherapy. Ponder Sovereignty. Create. Pursue Legacy. Dream.
Closing the bookstore meant the end of a 10 year chapter of my life as a bookseller.
I didn’t anticipate how hard it would be. I didn’t understand at first that I was grieving, the magnitude of my loss. Looking back, I see what helped me navigate the uncharted territory. Every step into the future is uncharted, isn’t it? Which is why we’re drawn to self-help, because we want someone who can show us the way. When the truth is, no one has lived our life before and no one knows what the future will hold or how to operate in that unknown entity.
I was fascinated by how this concept applied to global nomads, especially third culture kids. Leaving one culture and way of life to enter another one often resulted in unresolved grief. It explained so much.
But now I’m seeing it in a broader context.
Closing our bookstore might not technically fit into the category of ambiguous loss or disenfranchised loss, but I see many similarities, and just giving it a name helps me. At the least, it can be called an atypical loss.
There’s no funeral and no grave to visit. A business is not a human or pet, so the loss can be hard to understand. Just like human relationships, businesses can be complicated, with a mix of positive and negative and involve huge investments of time, energy, effort and money.
I think it helps to expand our understanding of grief and loss and explore new ways to cope with ambiguous loss. It helps me, anyway. I still have so far to go.
There are circumstances we find ourselves in that we don’t recognize as loss.
It might be a divorce or break up or loss of a friendship. It might be a re-location that implies the loss of a community network, favorite stores and restaurants, friendships and a familiar rhythm of life. It could be the loss of health, or a piece of health, such as eyesight.
It could be a career loss, losing a fulfilling position that was a good fit, or a financial reversal. Even a car accident or news of a loved ones’ addiction could be a loss. Many times we don’t realize we’re grieving.
Acknowledge Grief
Sometimes the hardest part is admitting to ourselves that we are grieving, maybe even acknowledging that there is a loss.
I think this is key for ambiguous loss, disenfranchised loss or any other atypical loss. We don’t even realize where the negative feelings are coming from. We don’t realize we’re grieving, may not even understand that we’ve suffered a significant loss.
That light bulb moment can be critical. Giving it a name is important. All of a sudden, we’re not alone. Someone else has traveled this road. There are ways to cope. We’re going to get through it. The future is brighter than the present.
Identify Losses
For me, the loss was different than for my husband, for my employees and for my customers. I had finally embraced the identity of bookseller, even business owner and boss. Now, it was time to let them go without achieving the success I’d hoped for.
There was also a broader loss of the way culture has changed and the way consumers shop. Bookstores have changed with the culture. The ones that survive have morphed to meet the challenge.
I’d learned a lot during those years. I knew my strengths and weakness better. I’d faced some fears and survived. That knowledge will serve me in the future.
Invest Time
When I used to hear that grieving takes time, I thought it meant for time to pass by. I didn’t stop to think that it takes TIME, like you have to invest some time into your grieving. Time to sit in the emotion. Time to cry. Time to consider your losses. Time to remember.
When you take the time, the time comes when the pain is less. The loss doesn’t feel as heavy.
Be misunderstood
It’s okay if no one understands.
I came to grips with the fact that no one really understood my loss and it was okay if they didn’t understand. I knew it was painful and I knew why. I was losing part of my identity.
In the same vein, they didn’t know the private victories and the private defeats. Letting that go was hard, knowing that there’s not a chance for a “do-over” and giving up a dream.
Some people will understand, to a certain extent.
I’m grateful for the people who offered condolences, who sent cards and left messages and expressed personally what the bookstore meant to them. It meant a lot to me. Even a few people who had closed businesses and remembered how hard it was. They knew, up to a point, what we were going through.
Share the Journey
Letting others in on the process helps. Admit that it was a mixed bag, that there’s some relief that it’s over, regret for dropped balls as well as gratitude for the blessings.
There’s a lot of good mixed in with the bad. A lot of positive and negative together. When you look back at something, it’s easy to see all the bad or all the good and forget the rest. When you’re losing something, all the good parts can be highlighted. You forget the stress, the hard times, the overwhelm, the failures. The good parts come to the surface.
Some roots are more painful than others
Closing the business and selling the property was a multi-faceted event that involved a lot of steps. Disconnecting phone service was a hard one. Sending back unsold inventory was easier. Making the decisions, dropping balls, all the frustrations you deal with while running the business plus some. Knowing that it’s the last time.
Ponder Sovereignty
I find times of loss and grieving a good time to evaluate my theology, especially what I believe about God’s Sovereignty. Did God cause this loss or did He allow it? Has He been leading down this path or have I gone astray? Can He redeem situations even as He grieves with us that they have happened? Can He work things together for good? Is God good? Is He loving?
In the case of the bookstore, we could see circumstances converging to confirm the timing was right to close the store. Three years earlier, when we made the decision to close, circumstances made it clear that the timing wasn’t right yet.
Sarah Young, in her devotional Jesus Calling, references the habit of repeatedly affirming, “I trust You, Jesus.” I’ve found this reminder to be comforting. If we believe that God is sovereign, that He is loving, that He is good, then He can be trusted with the circumstances of our lives, including our losses.
We don’t have to fear the future, even when it’s tempting. We can rest in the promise that He will never leave us or forsake us, in the midst of the pain of loss.
Learning to be grateful has been a years long learning curve for this season of my life. It’s so easy to wish things were different than they are. It’s hard to be content.
There was a lot to be grateful for when we closed the store. The timing was right. We were able to close in the black, not leaving any debt or unpaid bills. We closed with a good reputation and good testimony. This may seem like a small thing, but lots of bookstores go bankrupt. Bookstore chains go bankrupt.
We were also able to find a buyer for the property.
Even though it was hard, even though we didn’t do it perfectly, even though we dropped some balls and didn’t tie up all loose ends as well as I would have liked, overall it ended well.
Apply Bibliotherapy
My go-to method of dealing with life is to read. Some good escapist fiction is a great way to forget about the current problems of life. A Netflix binge will accomplish the same thing by just getting away from life and not thinking for awhile.
The process of creating gives life and hope. That brings healing. Gardening, painting, drawing, writing, decorating and cooking can be great outlets.
Some people create food that’s picture worthy. Some people make their homes a work of art. There are innumerable ways to express yourself creatively.
For me, it’s blogging. Word crafting and images, design and layout, experimenting and learning new things.
I personally believe that one way we are made in the image of God is with the desire and ability to create. And the satisfaction that comes in the process and in the product.
Pursue Legacy
I can’t think about grieving without thinking about legacy. What will remain after I am gone? What legacy am I going to leave? What legacy did the bookstore leave? Well, there’s the great people I got to know while working there, there’s the memories of their stories. The advantage of being a small shop is that there’s a lot of down time. Which means there’s time for people to share their stories.
There’s a lots of books on lots of shelves that came from our bookstore. Those won’t last forever, but amazingly, books can last quite a long time.
Dream
The hope and dreams for the future can help you move forward, but I found it was nice not to rush into the next thing. To sit awhile and consider where to put my professional time and energies. To be okay with not deciding and not rushing forward into the next thing. I was already committed to babysitting my granddaughter. In that sense, the timing was right to close the store. I was also blogging and wanting to see my blog move to the next level, knowing that would take more of an investment. I also wanted to achieve some personal goals that always seemed out of reach.
Letting go of old dreams and letting them die can make space for new dreams.
If your ambiguous loss includes the loss of dream, consider loosening your grip on that dream to make room for new ones.
